Heard, Helped, Hugged

I had a moment earlier today that caused me to reflect. I was carrying some worries and stress, so I called my partner to vent. He answered the phone and asked how my day had been. I launched into a monologue of all the things that were on my mind. When I finished, he started telling me all the things I was doing right, all the ways that he had noticed me working hard and getting things done. I felt… annoyed.

I felt disregarded and rushed through my emotions. I felt frustration rising up and I asked him if I could call him later. I hung up the phone and started to reflect on why I was feeling the way I was. Despite all my training and experience, sometimes I have to turn the tables on myself. I pondered for a while and finally asked myself a common question I use in the therapy room: What do you need right now?

What I needed was to feel heard. My partner wanted to help. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but he had misunderstood my need in that moment. This is common in many types of relationships (try it with your teenager!). We often want to fix whatever is causing the person distress. We want to help them! The thing is, going into fix-it mode and trying to help can sometimes leave the other person feeling invalidated and like you didn’t truly hear what they were saying. A simple tool I encourage couples to use is this question:

“Do you need to be heard, helped, or hugged right now?”

• Heard → Sometimes we just want space to vent and feel understood without advice or problem-solving.

• Helped → Other times, we’re looking for practical solutions or support to move forward.

• Hugged → For times when connection is what matters most.

This quick check-in removes the guesswork, reduces frustration, and helps partners meet each other’s needs more effectively. It’s a small shift, but it can make a big difference in helping people feel supported and connected.

Next time someone you care about shares something with you, try asking: Heard, helped, or hugged?

- Megan

You’re Not The Only One

You’re not the only one who has questioned the path they are on and wondered “what if…” It’s my opinion that we are doing ourselves a disservice if we don’t check in once in a while to make sure the life we are living is being shaped by intention.  

When I decided to go back to school to become a psychologist there were a lot of well-meaning people who worried I was doing the wrong thing. They said it made more sense for me to go back to teaching. I was a newly single mom of four young kids at the time and if I’m being honest, they were right. It did make more sense, but it didn’t feel right.

For the first time in almost ten years, I had total control. I could do anything, and I was determined to finally do the work I had always wanted to do.  

I was also terrified.

My brain was flooded with a lot of “what if” statements that did not skew in my favour.
What if you fail?
What if no one wants to work with you?
What if you can’t afford to go back to school?
What if it’s too hard?

We find what we look for, and I was looking for every reason to not do the hard thing I knew I needed to do. If I could go back in time, I would give that version of me a hug (and some ice cream). I would nudge her gently to ask different questions.
What makes you happy?
What brings you a sense of purpose?
What kind of example do you want to set for you kids?
How cool would it be to be a psychologist?

I had been on the same path for a long time, but that path no longer aligned with the person I was and the life I wanted, so I chose a new path. You can choose a new path too. In fact, you are one decision away from a totally different life. Will it be hard? Yep. Will people discourage you and fill your mind with their doubts? They’ll try. Will it feel so good when you look back and see how far you’ve come or how much you’ve grown? Definitely.

You might never feel ready- start anyways. Not sure where to start? A good counsellor can help you figure that out.

-Megan