Why Therapy Didn’t Work Before (And What to Look for Instead)
If you’ve tried therapy before and left thinking:
“This isn’t helping.”
“I just talk and nothing changes.”
“I feel validated, but I’m still stuck.”
You might have felt like therapy doesn’t work, or doesn’t work for you, but the truth is that a lot of things need to align for clients to get the most out of therapy.
Support Without Strategy Is Expensive Venting
Validation is important, but validation alone does not change patterns.
If you leave every session feeling listened to but unchanged, ask:
Do we have clear goals?
Are we tracking progress?
Am I being challenged?
Am I learning tools or strategies?
Good therapy includes:
Direction
Skill-building
Accountability
Honest conversations
Warmth and connection matter. So does movement.
Specialization Actually Matters
If a therapist lists a bunch of specialties, they are not specialized. You deserve someone who understands the context of your life, not just general coping skills.
This is where you get to push back. Ask potential therapists what training they have beyond post-secondary education. What types of clients do they most often work with. What work do they most enjoy.
Websites should list recent trainings, organizations that they are a member of, and evidence that what you need support with, they can provide it. Not all counsellors post that stuff, so ask.
Fit Is Chemistry + Competence
It’s not enough to like your therapist.
Fit means:
You feel safe.
They feel clinically confident helping you.
There is enough trust for them to challenge you.
They can push back without damaging the relationship and you can tell them when they get it wrong.
Therapy should be collaborative. You are the expert in your life, you just need a well-equipped sidekick to support you while you navigate the tough stuff.
Not someone to tell you what to do, someone to ask the right questions so you figure it out.
If therapy didn’t work before, it doesn’t mean therapy doesn’t work.
It means the fit was wrong.
